Positive & Negative – with a brain injury…

So – so today my depression has me writing this piece in bed. I just had a shower – my first shower in 32 hours. My family are meeting at Rollingstone, and there’s no way I can bring myself to face anyone. I was born into the Sugar Industry in the Herbert and have been Sugar Cane mad ever since, but this year the season has broken me. This season has made me despise the Sugar Industry – amongst other things… and it makes me hate myself because of it. I feel so alone…

My husband has been home 9 out of the last 72 hours and I could cut the tension between us with a knife. The sugar cane season in the Herbert is set to finish over the following weekend and I’m telling you it’s a week too long. I’m all for making a living and working hard but I feel so neglected it’s not funny!

Today (the following day) I went training at Tweak with Louise (my trainer) and she can always put me in a better mindset. Georgia Satellites -Keep your hands to yourself was the first song that came on and it put my head in the game – I worked harder than most times I work out. The angry bird in me wants to come back BUT I wont let it.

This season has taken my head to some pretty messed up places – It got me thinking – There is no way I am the only wife in the industry that this has happened to. It sucks because I FEEL SO FREAKING LOST! I feel – I’m all alone… there’s no one here besides meee…

Yes – my sense of humor is pretty messed up, to the point where my father-in-law dropped in the other day and I said “Your lucky there’s no knives flying your direction!” He kinda gets my sense of humor – more than my husband most times.

Give me a month and I’ll be back on top of the game (of life) again. This is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life, It’s not I had… It’s I have a brain injury and I’m going to have to accept that. My best mate said years ago – “I admire your resilience, the way you bounce back.” Because I ALWAYS DO! BUT – I push myself. I am so hard on myself, I say things like “stop being a little bitch and get your head back in the game!”

This season has me thinking – maybe I’m not cut out for this, and that makes the way I’m feeling 100 times worse – Cause I’m dad’s little operator (well, not anymore) but that’s what my life would of been had I not had my accident. I think there needs to be support for the wives in the industry. Nothing to do with Canegrowers or QSL but maybe Wilmar? I still have to figure it out but I’ll have a chat with some of my contacts and see what we can come up with!

This is not – oh I want to kill myself, It’s actually far from it, and yeah – at times I’m selfish… but I would never do that to my boys if no one else. Shits bad NOW but I think I just need time away BY MYSELF – to get inside my head and reset… on a nice beach… away from this town for a night even… to see how good I really have it!

Stop being a little bitch…

Aquo Xx

Let’s boost motivation!

It’s that time of year where the sugar cane crushing season in the Hinchinbrook Shire and everyone is getting tired – burnt out! Especially the mums. I’m not saying the dads aren’t in the same position, but their mental stimulation is different throughout the day. This morning my baby is teething and wont stop screaming and my big boy is doing my head in and wont stop crying – over who knows what? maybe because I’m making him draw on paper not the walls…

I would so much rather be in a machine, listening to podcasts that I follow instead of being a bitch mum. I’m tired, they miss their daddy and it shows through their behavior. Somebody taught Jack to say “patients mummy” and if I find out who I would walk up to them and punch them straight in the face.

When I fall into a hole, I search motivational clips on YouTube and it does help to bring me back to earth. As I am writing this, I’m listening to Oprah Winfrey’s motivational speech and already I’m feeling more uplifted than I was when I started typing.

Each morning when I wake up I start the morning with positive affirmations. I started doing it in the mirror but now I just say them to myself throughout the day.

Here’s how I get through the day…

Your limitation—it’s only your imagination.

Push yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you.

Sometimes later becomes never. Do it now.

Great things never come from comfort zones.

Dream it. Wish it. Do it.

Success doesn’t just find you. You have to go out and get it.

The harder you work for something, the greater you’ll feel when you achieve it.

Dream bigger. Do bigger.

Don’t stop when you’re tired. Stop when you’re done.

Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

It’s going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.

Don’t wait for opportunity. Create it.

Sometimes we’re tested not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths.

The key to success is to focus on goals, not obstacles.

Dream it. Believe it. Build it.

If you change your thinking – you can change the world!

Aquo Xx

Oh Anxiety- Thou art a heartless bitch!

Anxiety is becoming so much more prevalent in the world each year – is it because life in the 21st century is lived at a speed so fast, not even the cheetahs can keep up? – you know… because cheetahs are really fast!

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia. On average, one in four people, being one in three women and one in five men, will experience anxiety at some stage in their life. In a 12 month period, over two million Australians experience anxiety.

Anxiety is a common factor in life these days, but the sooner people with anxiety get support and learn to deal with the disorder, the more likely they are to leave it in the past.

If you suffer from anxiety disorder, it’s important to remember you are not alone. There are services, health care professionals and online support tools available to help those that suffer from a anxiety disorder. The first step is to get a proper diagnosis. Discussing these issues with a doctor can help you in taking this first step.

The treatments for anxiety that work for you depend both on you and the type and severity of anxiety disorder you have. Mild anxiety may be helped by making lifestyle changes (diet, people/situations that occur in your life), whereas more severe cases may require medication – On that note, I will tell you that twice in my life I have required antidepressants to help me deal with my own life at that particular time. Once was from a break-up that ruined my life for years and the second time was when I was pregnant with my second child and had a lot of family issues happening.

Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) involves working towards changing any problematic thinking patterns that are causing anxiety. Behaviour therapy is a component of CBT and includes ‘desensitisation’, a method of slowly and safely exposing you to feared situations to reduce the anxiety that comes with them.

Breathing and relaxation techniques are especially important for physical symptoms, and deep breathing exercises can stop panic attacks effectively. Mindfulness and other types of meditation are also helpful for anxiety management.

Exercising – even a 10-minute short walk – can help to improve how you feel and may make you feel less tired. Exercise helps boost your levels of serotonin – these are ‘feel good’ hormones. Try a brisk walk every day if you do not feel ready to undertake a rigorous exercise regime. Try to get involved in activities and pastimes you previously enjoyed – even if you don’t feel like it.

There may be small tasks in the house or garden that you can do. Tackling small tasks that you have been avoiding for years may help you to feel better about yourself.

Caffeine can increase anxiety in some people. It can alter your sleep patterns so you are not fully rested. It also speeds up your heartbeat, which can make anxiety worse. Try to reduce the amount of caffeine in your diet. Cutting back on tea and coffee and replacing them with water or fruit juices can help. Avoiding caffeine products, like chocolate, cola or energy drinks after 4pm may help you feel more relaxed when you want to go to sleep.

Treatment for anxiety can take time, and a good support network makes the process easier. But letting go of and recovering from anxiety is achievable.

Online tools may be suitable if you have mild to moderate anxiety. There is a range of different programs, most of which are backed up by phone, email, text or web chat support from a mental health specialist. These online therapies can be particularly helpful if you are living in a rural and remote area where access to health professionals may be more difficult.

It’s a frustrating routine: Your mind starts racing as soon as your head hits the pillow. You’re thinking about your to-do list, that thing you should (or shouldn’t) have said to your boss, or how expensive your child’s braces are going to be. Then you catch a glimpse of the clock, and realize how late it already is.

At some point it’s hard to tell whether you’re having trouble sleeping because you’re anxious, or you’re anxious because you can’t sleep. The answer may be both. It’s a two-way street: Stress and anxiety can cause sleeping problems, or worsen existing ones. But lack of sleep can also cause an anxiety disorder.

Still not sleeping? If you think that you might have more serious sleep problems, clinical anxiety, or clinical depression, talk to your doctor. A specialist can help you find a treatment plan, so you can manage your symptoms and get the sleep you need.

Julia Christina is from Vancouver, Canada. You can follow Julia Christina on YouTube or her blog at https://juliakristina.com/blog/ or on any social media platform – @juliacounsellor

Julia Holds an MA in Counselling Psychology and is a Registered Clinical Counsellor.

At any time, if you feel that you may harm yourself or have thoughts of suicide, talk to family or friends and inform your doctor as a matter of urgency. You can ring a phone service such as Lifeline 13 11 14, available 24 hours a day. If you are the loved one or carer, dial triple zero (000).

Aquo Xx