Another trip to the ED department, fml…. we’re lucky my father was finished cutting for the day and my husband wasn’t far away. I suffer nerve pain on a daily basis – but today OH MY GOSH! I have never been in this much pain and wanted to vomit like this, just at the sight of being awake and living through this.
This is just a taste of what I go through on a daily basis. It’s the same shit over and over and over. The same questions are asked by the ambulance bearers, then the same questions again from staff in the emergency department and then again from the nurses. I know, by now all the trigger words that will get me what I want, but the thing is I’m not even playing! I WISH – I was playing. I would much rather be at home with a screaming baby and a toddler who has been pushing on the wrong nerve all day. Yeah – that would be tons better than being here.
Green whistle please! Megan the ambulance bearer knows me quite well – she attended my quad bike accident, my car accident, or we see each other shopping or at the annual race meet – which is more of just a formal piss up. I feel she understands me better than most – “But Megs you know I’m not a little bitch hey?!” “Amz it’s all good buddy!” Not my first rodeo. Anyone may just think this is my way of catching up with her lol.
Ketorolac Trometamol (Torodol) is the only thing, I have found on my journey to hell in the last six years, that actually works for me. The nurse that tended to me first last night suggested endone, but little does she know they are nothing more than a tictac to me – And no I don’t have any stashed away at home. Over time, do you know what that shit does to your body?? – yeah, no thanks!
I made the conscious decision back in 2015 to start making healthier lifestyle changes to better myself – mind, body & soul. And you know what? It’s the best decision I ever made! I’m finally becoming more confident in myself (four years later) and I’m ready to push to the next level and create a piece of art, not just the body of my dreams.
You know the chronic pain I live in, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! It’s absolute hell. THIS IS THE REASON I WAKE UP EVERYDAY AND TRY TO BE THE MOST HONEST, POSITIVE, CARING, friendliest, SUPPORTIVE HUMAN BEING I CAN BE! Look, at times it’s hard – believe you me! But I wake up everyday thankful that I get to spend another day with these beautiful little gremlins I created – Regardless of how batshit crazy they send me!
I WONT QUIT! I WONT ALLOW ANYONE TO BRING ME DOWN, I AM ME – I HAVE MADE MISTAKES, DONE STUPID SHIT, I SAY FUCK A LOT – BUT IF THAT’S THE WORST OF ME, I THINK I HAVE REBUILT A PRETTY AMAZING HUMAN BEING!