Aquo’s Bloopers

Now – I know there was nothing funny about me being in hospital to my family and friends, but for me I found something mischievous to do, without fail, every. single. day. I was in bed 20, I had to share a room with 3 other people which is another story all together.

Our wheelchairs were parked outside our room, I’m guessing so unless we had a staff member with us we weren’t supposed to use them…. WEREN’T haha – that was a joke. Before I could walk again, i used to drag myself along the walls and sneak out to my wheelchair, hop in, and run riot!

I used to sneak around the halls of rehab to pinch biscuits off smoko trolley that was parked up just around the corner from my bed. I would stash them in my cupboard, under my mattress, in my pillow cases, and this was all before I could eat solids again.

I was on thickened water (which tastes like shit) and pureed food which I used to call shit on a stick. The staff would hand dinner out and I’d say what’s for dinner today, not shit on a stick again I hope.

I used to be so sneaky, one of the other ladies in my room used to give me her ice cream (which I wasn’t supposed to have) as she was a diabetic, yet every night they put ice cream on her tray.

Than one day dad convinced mum to go over to a cafe in the medilink building across the road from rehab. It was the first time she had left my side during visiting hours. Little did they know I was just having a skat-nap.

Again I made my way to my wheelchair, got in, and smoked my wheels as I broke out of rehab. Mwahhaha! I got to the desk that was staffed and told the lady I was just ducking out for some air – LIE!!!

I made my way out of rehab, pushed myself across the pedestrian crossing without looking for traffic (that was before I regained my sense of danger) and proceeded across to a path that was too narrow for my wheelchair.

lucky mum saw me and rushed out of the cafe to stop me. “Amy what are you doing?!” “Just looking for you guys.” Lucky she stopped me, cause otherwise I would have tipped my wheelchair, hit my head on the concrete pavement, and it would have been all over.

Another thing I did was I convinced dad to bring me frozen raspberry slushies – “come on dad, there thick so it will be ok.” Mwahhaha! That was before I could drink normal fluids too.

Another thing that makes me smile when I think about it is there was this nurse that used to irritate me – she was just annoying. When I had started eating in the dining room instead of in bed she tried to make me go when I really didn’t want too – Haha silly nurse! “Ok Amy time to go to the dining room for dinner,” “No, my dad comes in every night to feed me,” and she just kept pushing and pushing.

In the end I had nothing nice left to use as an excuse – “Amy, why don’t you want to eat in the dining room?” “Because there all old ok! And food runs down the sides of their faces when they eat, it’s disgusting!” – she left me alone after that.

Every arv, when visiting hours started, mum and dad would come up. Dad has always worn double pluggers everywhere he can get away with wearing them, and he doesn’t lift his feet properly so scuffed as he walks. So from the way he walks I knew when they were coming down the hall. If they were even a second late, they would cop a million questions.

All in all every mischievous thing I pulled off or tried to pull off moved my reviews forward – So I got to eat normal food and drink normal fluids sooner than I would have if I played by the rules. So really I see it as being worth it. My head is hard for a reason, I get knocked down but I get up again, twice as strong and so much more fierce!

See me – I’m still standing, I might be bleeding but I’m still breathing.

Aquo Xx

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