All of us have been hurt in some way or another in our lives. My story is probably a bit more complex than some others as it all came after a massive, life changing event – not just for me, but my immediate family as well. It’s now almost six years after said event, and I finally have myself in a good place where all those people who used to mean something to me, can no longer affect me – I have chosen to rid my life of them.
I think turning to many spiritual practices like Reiki, meditation etc. has really helped me to overcome a part of my life I thought I would never be able to escape from. In the past five+ years, there aren’t many people still around who I thought would never walk away. It just goes to show how when a major event happens in someone’s life, you get to see people’s true colours, even the ones who walk out after five years when everything has settled down (and to be honest they come across as the weakest ones).
I’m in no way sitting here typing away thinking “woe is me” – I’m much too strong to think like that! What I’m getting to is some people just aren’t strong enough in themselves to deal with the misfortune of others, they’re not true with themselves – that’s why they just disappear, without so much as a “bon voyage!”.
If you hold onto the past you will never move forward and reach your goals. Two years post accident, I started a little notebook – ‘Aquo’s Goals’ and every year between Christmas and New Years I review them and make any changes necessary. This has really helped to keep me on track and keep moving forward. So – why do we hold onto crap that does not benefit our lives in the slightest of ways you ask, well my response to you is quite simple when broken down – It’s because in a messed up kind of way there’s comfort in familiarity and justification, even when it’s stems from negativity.
But, ultimately, not knowing how to let go has no real benefit – it only holds you back from achieving your true potential. Sometimes, we use the past to justify our current decision-making, and that’s the reason why we don’t want to let go. Remember that nasty thing someone did to you years ago? That keeps you from going to that family gathering or from having an extraordinary relationship. Those memories justify everything for you. When you’re unable to let go, that becomes a part of your “story” and works against you, holding you back.
Below is a list of ways I kept my mind, body & soul engaged so that I had less time to stress/worry about the (for lack of a better word) shitty things going on in my life post accident:-
- I engaged myself with obsessing over fitness and what I was fuelling my body with.
I built myself a small gym and used to work out a ridiculous amount of time a day. When I first moved back to Ingham, I was slow-er moving than I am now, but would do an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. I was very conscious of what I was putting into my body, it took me ages to start loosing weight but once I did, I signed up to my local gym – Tweak Fitness and kept persevering which really helped me to transform.
- I did a lot of meal prepping/cooking.
I did a lot of cooking & creating. I’m shocking when it comes to using recipes, I don’t use measuring tools – I’m ITALIAN what more do you want from me! I do everything by sight & taste – so I used to muck around with different herbs & spices and create different soups, stews, etc and started a recipe book so I can pass on my awesome creations!
- I became a whole lot more family orientated – if that’s even possible!
Post accident, my family and I became extremely defensive of each other, and after my brain healed it was easier for the kids to deal with me. We became omg so close! God forbid anyone says anything to anyone when it comes to the six of us – You will most likely get an ear full to say the least.
- I did a fair bit of gardening.
Gardening became my therapy! My dad made med a garden patch on the side of the house where I started growing vegetables, I would spend hours out there everyday, it was a lot of work and I quickly lost interest. I then bought a garden bed kit that was much smaller that was so much more manageable in my condition. Building it was a really good day, a few of my mates from school days came out to help me build it. Mum still has that garden going today!
- I started writing a book.
In the early stages of my recovery, I started writing a book, It probably wasn’t a good idea starting it when I did because I was so angry at the time and it turned out to be a big hate fest! That’s part of the reason why I waited to start this blog, I’m so happy I waited, I know I have to get better, but that’s a working progress and will come in time.
You need to learn how to let things go, so that you can focus your energy on living positively and proactively. You and only you have the power to change your story!
Regardless of who initiated the breakup or the reason behind the split, you need to move on. Don’t worry about forgiving them for now. Instead, work on learning how to forgive yourself for getting so caught up in the drama of your personal life and allowing your anger and resentment to hurt you and hold you back.
Learning how to let things go is not as hard as it may seem. It’s true that bad things happen, but you cannot change the past. Continuing to perpetuate it only hurts your own emotional (and even physical) state, keeping you from fully enjoying life. Embrace living in the moment, and accept that there are things you cannot control.
The key to letting go of a relationship or a painful past experience is that you have to face what has happened, accept that you can’t change it and then move on. Once you’re able to move on and close old doors, inevitably new doors will open up, better opportunities will arise and, most of all, you’ll have a better story that moves you forward, instead of holding you back.
Start writing your new story today!